


something i wish i didnt know

by sadmax



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Gen, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 00:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13155186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmax/pseuds/sadmax
Summary: Whenever Richie put his arms around Bill, Eddie felt like he couldn’t breath, he felt a pain deep in his chest and he didn’t know how to stop it.





	something i wish i didnt know

 

Whenever Richie put his arms around Bill, Eddie felt like he couldn’t breath, he felt a pain deep in his chest and he didn’t know how to stop it. Sometimes it was so strong he had to look away, or mumble about his mom needing him for something and running away (well, he didn’t exactly run but it felt like it). 

He didn’t know exactly when it had happened, it was slow and nobody noticed until the day they came to the barrens holding hands like it was something they’d always done -it wasn’t, it was Richie and Eddie’s ‘thing’, but now he knows it didn’t mean anything, not like it means with Bill-, nobody said anything though, somehow they all knew, and they weren’t going to question it either.

Everytime the Losers hung out together all that Eddie wanted to do was run home, curl up in his bed and cry himself to sleep. He wasn’t looking forward to see them anymore, it hurt too much.

And he hated himself for believing there was a chance, or at least anything between Richie and him. It had all been his imagination, or maybe Richie never realised what he had done to him.

Eddie stopped going out with them so often, putting excuses and saying he was busy -he never was, not really-, he knew it was dumb, but he also didn’t know how to deal with all those feelings he had bottled up inside of him for so many years.

 

Until Beverly came to look for him, knocking on his door, crossing her arms and giving him her best ‘mom look’, and something about that made Eddie burst into tears, the door still open, Beverly still outside with her arms crossed and now a worried expression on her face

 

“I just can’t anymore, Bev!” he said, covering his face with his hands, his whole body shaking

 

“I- how- what happened? Are you alright?” Beverly asks, rushing inside, closing the door and putting her arms around Eddie bringing him close to her chest, his sobs muffled by her shirt

 

“I hate it-” Eddie cries “I hate to see them together, to see them hold hands and kiss- and I hate that I think that should be me” he hugs her, gripping her shirt and trying to stop his sobs “I hate Bill, but I don’t- I can’t” he chokes on his words

Beverly stays silent for a moment, taking in all the things Eddie said, “oh…” she whispers, tightening her grip on Eddie and burying her face on his hair “I’m so sorry baby…” it’s all that she could say, her heart breaking with every sob Eddie let out.

  
  
  


Stanley never realised that he loved Bill until he saw him kissing Richie -or not even then, but it came close-. 

 

He didn’t meant to, it was an accident, he just went to the quarry to bird watch before any of the Losers got there, but noticed that Bill and Richie’s bikes were there. 

He wasn’t expecting to see Bill, his arms around Richie’s waist, a small smile on his lips while he kissed him- nor he was expecting the hot tears that made his eyes burn and the pain in his chest, leaving him breathless. 

He turned around, grabbed his bike and cried on the way home, cried all the way to his room and cried himself to sleep, not knowing exactly why.

 

The day Bill and Richie came holding hands, small and shy smiles decorating their faces, Stan realised why he had cried himself to sleep.

He loved Bill Denbrough. 

And that just made his eyes burn again, a knot in his throat, making him impossible to speak without sobbing. 

He looked away, to the floor, biting his lip and digging his nails into his arm.

 

Everyone took it okay, like it was no big deal- but Stanley wanted to scream, to asked them why- why did they think they could just show up like that- but it’s not like they knew, it’s not like they knew that everytime Bill smiled at him his heart skipped a beat, or that when their hand brushed on the way home he felt the heat rise up to his cheeks, making his whole body shudder. 

 

When Eddie stopped hanging out with them, he felt the urge to do the same- to run away from his feelings and from the sight of a happy Bill putting his arms around Richie's waist in movie night.

But something about the way Beverly looked at him from across the room when he was looking at Bill and Richie made him stay, even if it hurt.

 

He learned to ignore it, to ignore how his heart felt like it was about to burst whenever Bill came close. He learned to ignore the pain in his chest whenever Bill and Richie kissed, and he learned to ignore the space that Eddie’s absence left.  

 

 

Beverly didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything, she just smiled and acted like it was nothing new.

They all did that.

And she couldn’t help but think that in some way that was wrong- not because it was two boys- but because it was Bill and Richie. It was a lot to process, honestly, she never expected it- but she wasn’t going to judge them if they were happy, because that was all that mattered, that they were all happy.

But they weren't, not all of them. 

Eddie stopped showing up to their hangouts, putting dumb excuses that Beverly knew were a lie- she thought that maybe something was going on at home but discarded that idea when she saw Eddie at school, being his normal self, except that he was trying to avoid them sometimes-, she decided that it was time someone did something when it was the 5th day Eddie denied their invitations to go to the quarry. 

She knocked on the door, ready to scold him for avoiding them and lying, but her plan was cancelled when Eddie burst into tears, his body shaking and sobs escaping his lips. She hurried inside and comforted him.

Beverly gave him time to try and compose himself, try to gather his feelings and maybe get over them- but it had passed a week since she went over to his house, and she knew that maybe he wasn’t coming back. 

So when she saw Stanley looking at the infamous couple, a sad look on his face and his nails digging into his arm, her eyes filled with tears, and a sad -pleading- expression painted her face, softly asking Stan to be strong. 

She couldn’t lose another one of her boys.


End file.
